I left out the front door and, unfortunately, didn’t notice weird landlord was sitting out front on his little black stool until it was too late. Inwardly cringing, I smiled and swiftly walked past and defied my VERY strong urge to break into a full-out sprint & scream combo. I stayed on the side of the street where he couldn’t watch me walk away for an entire block. The thought of his vacuous, dead-fish stare following me, looking up and down the back of my body and thinking whatever disgusting and unnatural things a freak like him thinks, was far too much to bear. It always is.
I regularly alter my routes of ingress and egress from my home based on weird landlord’s location. Another tenant or two and I play this game on an ongoing basis. Let’s say weird landlord is out doing the day-long manual lawnmower ritual; looks like I’ll be taking the side door and walking an extra block to avoid close proximity.
Or, oh no, I drive into the alley and see he’s beside the recycling bins doing something inane and somehow repulsive. *deep breath* Ok, so it looks like it’s time to carry 8 grocery bags up 6 flights of stairs in one trip again since I do not want to come back downstairs and have to fake not being totally creeped out. That is not in my rental contract. (remember to buy a book on power-lifting)
Tags: egress, flights of stairs, freak, front door, full out run, groceries, ingress, landlord, little black stool, madness, manual lawnmower, my weird landlord, myweirdlandlord.com, normal doesn't live here, power lifting, proximity, recycling bins, repulsive, sprint and scream combo, staring, time to play, unnatural, vacuous dead fish stare, weird, weird landlord, which door
Monique Hurteau
