Notes on a sneeze

Out of deeply ingrained social etiquette, I asked how weird landlord was doing today.  Got a perfunctory ‘fine thank you’ which I was more than happy to depart with. Then he asked me how I was doing. I said “I think I’m getting a cold. Woke up with a sore throat today.” To which weird landlord gleefully replies, “Oh yes! I heard you sneeze a few days ago after you got of your car and had just closed your car door and I thought to myself ‘I wonder if Monique is getting a cold.’”

The thing is, I haven’t seen weird landlord in a couple of weeks, until today.

I know he keeps notes n’ stuff (‘Dear doorstop diary’ is a fine example) and he’s obviously a fan of signs. I’m now starting to wonder if there’s some other kind of a diary or stardate log.

September 13, 2010 @ 3:45pm – Monique backed her Jeep into her assigned parking stall approximately 3.2 millimeters away from the preferred parking position (add to her permanent record).  She sneezed once. I wonder if she’s getting a cold or a flu mayhap. I can check her discarded Kleenex I suppose but maybe I should just resume monitoring her garbage and recycling again to make sure she’s getting enough nutrients in her diet. I smell toast.

This site makes any lapses in witnessing his weirdness bittersweet because of my constant longing for something really juicily weird to share with all of you. Bittersweet until the moment I speak to him again and my skin begins to crawl, like today for example!

What the hell is wrong with me? I know better than to engage weird landlord in conversation. Better lay off the Neo Citran.

Dog screamer-er

Just found out from the nice landlord, in the very well-kept (and super expensive) building across the street, that apparently my weird landlord is not a fan of dogs.

In fact, full-on dog-hatred sounds more accurate. Nice landlord witnessed weird landlord standing on the sidewalk, maniacally screeching at the top of his lungs, telling a little dog to f*ck off. Ok, I will admit some little dogs can be a**holes but c’mon, yelling at a dog? *grrrrr*

Not cool weird landlord, not cool at all. You truly are a freak amongst freaks.
And here I was worried the weirdness might run out. As if.

Dear doorstop diary

Looks pretty ‘weird landlord’ normal at first glance, right?

The usual, clearly laid out instructions.

A thank you and the trademark smiley face.
A line to make sure you don’t get the two mixed up.

No message on the back (yet) but the line continues quite nicely all the way over.

I was full of glee when I saw the doorstop at first. Then, was flipping it around to take pictures of what I already found to be highly entertaining and voila…

…what might be the first doorstop diary entry ever in history.
(mouse over the pics for some additional commentary!)

Can’t stop singing “Let’s all go to the lobby, with a doorstop from the laundry”
to this…

…and now the tune will be wedged in your head too! You are welcome.

Brent, Landlord, Drama Queen

This is a note I found posted in the foyer of my building last Sunday night.

Where I live, this is normal.