Grunted greetings

Walked up to the front of my building and, unfortunately, weird landlord was there holding some sort of vacuous staring vigil focused on a tree across the street.

I had a friend with me. As we approached, I forewarned him to not get eye contact with weird landlord as we walked by. I, however, feigned a weak (but hopefully passable) attempt at maintaining some kind of microscopically thin facade of normalcy by saying hello. Weird landlord’s reply? A grunt.
(hey, I tried right?)

Now, if you’ve read anything else here at My Weird Landlord, you may have an inkling of how horribly disturbing it would be to hear him, of all people, grunt.
I never want to hear him grunt, ever.

Grunting makes me think of terrible, unspeakable things. Why do I have to have an imagination at all? It really just serves to traumatize me.

On a positive note, maybe weird landlord can go get a part-time job as a ‘Walmart Grunter’ and go share his gift with the world.

Beware all ye who enter here

A weird landlord doth creepeth about. I think a tenant put this sign up to make sure Mackenzie Manor visitors know what they’re getting themselves into.

Don’t be too alarmed but we will need you to sign a waiver.

“Which door?” the home game: Me-0, Weird Landlord-2

So far, I’ve scored an abysmal 0-2 for today’s “Which door?” game. I went out to grab lunch and, on my way out, saw him first, smelled him second (it’s usually reversed). My appetite took a huge nosedive.

Now, I don’t want to leave my apartment again. In this heat, weird landlord has added a potent and very disgusting smell into his weirdness arsenal (well, worse smelling than usual). Well played weird landlord, well played.

The unfortunate thing is that I don’t have any groceries and still need to eat dinner.

With today’s odds, a grocery trip could be deadly. I won’t have eaten which means I’ll probably buy too many groceries. Then, I’ll get home and he’ll be right there weirding around and I’ll be far too weak to carry all of my grocery bags up in one trip. Wily bastard.

A can of tomato paste and dill pickles for dinner. Mmmmmm.

Time to play “Which door?”

I left out the front door and, unfortunately, didn’t notice weird landlord was sitting out front on his little black stool until it was too late. Inwardly cringing, I smiled and swiftly walked past and defied my VERY strong urge to break into a full-out sprint & scream combo.  I stayed on the side of the street where he couldn’t watch me walk away for an entire block. The thought of his vacuous, dead-fish stare following me, looking up and down the back of my body and thinking whatever disgusting and unnatural things a freak like him thinks, was far too much to bear. It always is.

I regularly alter my routes of ingress and egress from my home based on weird landlord’s location. Another tenant or two and I play this game on an ongoing basis. Let’s say weird landlord is out doing the day-long manual lawnmower ritual; looks like I’ll be taking the side door and walking an extra block to avoid close proximity.

Or, oh no, I drive into the alley and see he’s beside the recycling bins doing something inane and somehow repulsive. *deep breath* Ok, so it looks like it’s time to carry 8 grocery bags up 6 flights of stairs in one trip again since I do not want to come back downstairs and have to fake not being totally creeped out. That is not in my rental contract. (remember to buy a book on power-lifting)

Advanced key usage technique

I read this one especially closely every time I use the front door.

Yup, still weird from this angle.

And guess what? The lock works just fine. I have never had a problem with it once in over 6 years, not even slightly.

No teeny tiny UNSOLICITED newspapers

The sun gently sets on your house which is hovering above earth and then…

…lightning strikes! A loud voice booms down from the heavens and says
“NO FLYERS…”

…or miniature unsolicited newspapers. Ok?

Front Door Mania!

The uncluttered front door to my building.

I think he should put arrows of different sizes & colours pointing to ALL of the signs. More happy faces too please.