“Which door?” the home game: Me-0, Weird Landlord-2

So far, I’ve scored an abysmal 0-2 for today’s “Which door?” game. I went out to grab lunch and, on my way out, saw him first, smelled him second (it’s usually reversed). My appetite took a huge nosedive.

Now, I don’t want to leave my apartment again. In this heat, weird landlord has added a potent and very disgusting smell into his weirdness arsenal (well, worse smelling than usual). Well played weird landlord, well played.

The unfortunate thing is that I don’t have any groceries and still need to eat dinner.

With today’s odds, a grocery trip could be deadly. I won’t have eaten which means I’ll probably buy too many groceries. Then, I’ll get home and he’ll be right there weirding around and I’ll be far too weak to carry all of my grocery bags up in one trip. Wily bastard.

A can of tomato paste and dill pickles for dinner. Mmmmmm.

Time to play “Which door?”

I left out the front door and, unfortunately, didn’t notice weird landlord was sitting out front on his little black stool until it was too late. Inwardly cringing, I smiled and swiftly walked past and defied my VERY strong urge to break into a full-out sprint & scream combo.  I stayed on the side of the street where he couldn’t watch me walk away for an entire block. The thought of his vacuous, dead-fish stare following me, looking up and down the back of my body and thinking whatever disgusting and unnatural things a freak like him thinks, was far too much to bear. It always is.

I regularly alter my routes of ingress and egress from my home based on weird landlord’s location. Another tenant or two and I play this game on an ongoing basis. Let’s say weird landlord is out doing the day-long manual lawnmower ritual; looks like I’ll be taking the side door and walking an extra block to avoid close proximity.

Or, oh no, I drive into the alley and see he’s beside the recycling bins doing something inane and somehow repulsive. *deep breath* Ok, so it looks like it’s time to carry 8 grocery bags up 6 flights of stairs in one trip again since I do not want to come back downstairs and have to fake not being totally creeped out. That is not in my rental contract. (remember to buy a book on power-lifting)