Mmmm, dryer tea

So, weird landlord already knew I was sick. I went downstairs to do laundry and weird landlord wants to chat. I have no energy to fight it and somehow stumble through some laundry room chit-chat. As I’m putting my dirty clothes into the machine, weird landlord’s (disconcerting) sympathetic dead-fish gaze was upon me, accompanied by a smirk that sent an icy-cold chill coursing down my spine (definitely not from my cold). All this interspersed with a light peppering of his special weird landlord glances toward the ceiling!

Like my clothes, I wanted to be clean too so when I got back to my apartment I followed up with a shower in a turtleneck sweater and thick, grey jogging pants. (looking at weird landlord makes me wish there was no such thing as nudity) Hey, if I just shower like that from now on, no more need to visit the laundry room! 

I went back downstairs to put my clothes in the dryer. Guess what’s waiting for me on top of the dryer? A note along with a variety of teas. Why no picture you ask? Weird landlord walked into the laundry room before the door even swung closed and because he eavesdrops to hear when I’m back in the laundry room so he can either ‘coincidentally’ end up in the hallway as I walk through or find something he needs to do in the laundry room, aside from creeping me out. (he lives in an illegal suite right beside the laundry room which I think is actually a storage closet) I didn’t have my camera with me anyway. I should know better and always have it with me while venturing out into the hallways of Mackenzie Manor. Would’ve been a great picture to share with you.

The tea selection included echinacea and some type of mucous-drying blend. Lovely! However, I opted not to partake. I wish I could just see it as the nice gesture it was meant to be but somehow I can’t escape the images of him fondling the tea and having a conversation with it as he inserts something insidious into the package.

It’s laundry day again today. I wonder how long I could wear the same clothes without washing them?

Hot, fire extinguisher lovin’

Just what I need when I’m fighting a cold, hearing weird landlord in the hallway whistling and heavy breathing interspersed with some intense grunting.

So glad I have a peephole to provide a visual to accompany the disgusting symphony. (yes, I looked, ok?! I did it for all of you) He was sweeping the carpet, yes, sweeping it. Bending over, grunting, and sweeping the carpet. Kind of like a bend & snap, except a bend & grunt. There, are you happy now?

I suppose I should be grateful because it is better than what I imagined…him dry-humping the fire extinguisher.

The beautiful & deadly rent rings of planet September

Let’s count slowly back from 10 to 1, and I’d like you to think back to August and our first session of Highlighter hypnosis.

Now, let’s jump ahead. Notice how September’s rings are much bolder and reaching further than before? This is a clear indication of their deadliness. Apprehension builds as October looms.

Beware not to stare for longer than a few seconds into the beautiful and dangerously mesmerizing loops of highlighter.

Some call me brave, others call me crazy but it’s the steep price (which includes heat, hot water & parking!) I’m willing to pay to live here at Mackenzie Manor.

Mackenzie Manor Muzak

If you hadn’t already guessed, this is my building’s official theme song.

Signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs
Blockin’ up the scenery, breakin’ my mind
Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?

Actually, weird landlord should really consider piping in a Muzak version of this song playing on a continuous loop. I bet he hears something like it in his head. (along with “he wants you too Malachi, he wants you too”)

Dear doorstop diary

Looks pretty ‘weird landlord’ normal at first glance, right?

The usual, clearly laid out instructions.

A thank you and the trademark smiley face.
A line to make sure you don’t get the two mixed up.

No message on the back (yet) but the line continues quite nicely all the way over.

I was full of glee when I saw the doorstop at first. Then, was flipping it around to take pictures of what I already found to be highly entertaining and voila…

…what might be the first doorstop diary entry ever in history.
(mouse over the pics for some additional commentary!)

Can’t stop singing “Let’s all go to the lobby, with a doorstop from the laundry”
to this…

…and now the tune will be wedged in your head too! You are welcome.

State of the art security update

MacKenzie Manor security, devastating to begin with.

Before

But you can improve upon perfection.

After

Admire how the string is tied more tautly (it’s now holding up the fence).
And this rock positioning is clearly more effective.

Ruthless (OCD) efficiency at its finest.

Brent, Landlord, Drama Queen

This is a note I found posted in the foyer of my building last Sunday night.

Where I live, this is normal.