Mmmm, dryer tea

So, weird landlord already knew I was sick. I went downstairs to do laundry and weird landlord wants to chat. I have no energy to fight it and somehow stumble through some laundry room chit-chat. As I’m putting my dirty clothes into the machine, weird landlord’s (disconcerting) sympathetic dead-fish gaze was upon me, accompanied by a smirk that sent an icy-cold chill coursing down my spine (definitely not from my cold). All this interspersed with a light peppering of his special weird landlord glances toward the ceiling!

Like my clothes, I wanted to be clean too so when I got back to my apartment I followed up with a shower in a turtleneck sweater and thick, grey jogging pants. (looking at weird landlord makes me wish there was no such thing as nudity) Hey, if I just shower like that from now on, no more need to visit the laundry room! 

I went back downstairs to put my clothes in the dryer. Guess what’s waiting for me on top of the dryer? A note along with a variety of teas. Why no picture you ask? Weird landlord walked into the laundry room before the door even swung closed and because he eavesdrops to hear when I’m back in the laundry room so he can either ‘coincidentally’ end up in the hallway as I walk through or find something he needs to do in the laundry room, aside from creeping me out. (he lives in an illegal suite right beside the laundry room which I think is actually a storage closet) I didn’t have my camera with me anyway. I should know better and always have it with me while venturing out into the hallways of Mackenzie Manor. Would’ve been a great picture to share with you.

The tea selection included echinacea and some type of mucous-drying blend. Lovely! However, I opted not to partake. I wish I could just see it as the nice gesture it was meant to be but somehow I can’t escape the images of him fondling the tea and having a conversation with it as he inserts something insidious into the package.

It’s laundry day again today. I wonder how long I could wear the same clothes without washing them?

Hot, fire extinguisher lovin’

Just what I need when I’m fighting a cold, hearing weird landlord in the hallway whistling and heavy breathing interspersed with some intense grunting.

So glad I have a peephole to provide a visual to accompany the disgusting symphony. (yes, I looked, ok?! I did it for all of you) He was sweeping the carpet, yes, sweeping it. Bending over, grunting, and sweeping the carpet. Kind of like a bend & snap, except a bend & grunt. There, are you happy now?

I suppose I should be grateful because it is better than what I imagined…him dry-humping the fire extinguisher.

Notes on a sneeze

Out of deeply ingrained social etiquette, I asked how weird landlord was doing today.  Got a perfunctory ‘fine thank you’ which I was more than happy to depart with. Then he asked me how I was doing. I said “I think I’m getting a cold. Woke up with a sore throat today.” To which weird landlord gleefully replies, “Oh yes! I heard you sneeze a few days ago after you got of your car and had just closed your car door and I thought to myself ‘I wonder if Monique is getting a cold.’”

The thing is, I haven’t seen weird landlord in a couple of weeks, until today.

I know he keeps notes n’ stuff (‘Dear doorstop diary’ is a fine example) and he’s obviously a fan of signs. I’m now starting to wonder if there’s some other kind of a diary or stardate log.

September 13, 2010 @ 3:45pm – Monique backed her Jeep into her assigned parking stall approximately 3.2 millimeters away from the preferred parking position (add to her permanent record).  She sneezed once. I wonder if she’s getting a cold or a flu mayhap. I can check her discarded Kleenex I suppose but maybe I should just resume monitoring her garbage and recycling again to make sure she’s getting enough nutrients in her diet. I smell toast.

This site makes any lapses in witnessing his weirdness bittersweet because of my constant longing for something really juicily weird to share with all of you. Bittersweet until the moment I speak to him again and my skin begins to crawl, like today for example!

What the hell is wrong with me? I know better than to engage weird landlord in conversation. Better lay off the Neo Citran.